Mindfrosting

Here’s a view of that “winter poppy” or the poppy skeleton found outside recently. Shan took this photo of it the other day. Might have been a bit different, but one of the cats decided to use it for hunt practice first.

Shan is one of the many Clyde Banks grandkids who is fascinated with photography. I also have a cousin who has shown much talent. I am so proud of her. You might visit her blog and take a look at some of the shots she shares. Go HERE.

Last night, my young teenage daughter says, “Mom can I talk to you I need to tell you something and it might be kind of like bad news to you.” So I said, or my brain thought this, I can’t remember which for sure: ”NO! no! no! no! noooo! …The last time someone started a conversation like this…”

My guts just clamped into a big knot. Then I walked over to the woodstove and picked up a piece of 2×4x24 and walked back over to her. She said, “Mom, you’re scaring me.” I replied, “No, no honey, go ahead, go on you had something to say? I am here for you. You can tell me anything. You know that right?” I find I am tapping/thumping the wood over one hand as I speak. It stings.

“I JUST wanted to let you know I just got a boyfriend”, she says, nervously watching the 2×4 that is now tapping against my right leg. …bit of a pregnant pause (crappy choice of words, that..should instead say I was momentarily speechless?)… I swing the lumber up and hold it out perpendicularly from my mouth, purse my lips into a kissy pose and murph out these words - “You see this? From this end of the 2×4 to the other?’ She nods. I say, “that is the distance of your personal space. You can tell this “boyfriend” that this is your personal space and he will honor and stay out of it, ok?”

She eyes the lumber and nods and laughs, nervously. Then told her she doesn’t need a boyfriend until she is at least 32. Her laughter rolled forth. Somehow at this point I feel that I am not being taken seriously. This is where a teen would say “Doy”, right? Is that how you spell doy, or is it doi? And does anyone have a definition for “bwahahaha”? Because this bwahahaha is echoing in my brain right now and I feel the urge to be banging the back of my head repeatedly against something and to be singing over and over and over this phrase: nahnnienahnnie nahnnienahnnie nahnnienahnnie…… Any of you parents of teens have this feeling? Just asking.

Sigh… Being the parent of a teenage girl is THE most scary thing. Ever. I am not recommending using firewood as a communication enhancement. Just so you know this kid has the same Ermma Bombeck frame of mind as do I. For the record throughout most of the exchange she was smiling. Also in her own bizarre stance she smirkily asked soon after the above exchange:”Mom, in your opinion what works best? - Pepper spray or a tazer?” And without hesitation I said, “The tazer. A really intent or angry person can keep advancing when sprayed with the pepper spray, but I believe a tazer would drop a man like a ton of bricks.” She smiled sweetly and laughed saying, “I thought so, thanks mom.”
                                                DISTURBING

One of those strange weather days occured today. You know, the freezing rain, hail, then sunshine kind of day. Last evening there was that odd lighting that highlights just so, not a sunset as you’d think of one. Almost an otherworldlyness kind of thing or like stage lighting for a forest scene. Made me take a look around for tornados, but then we don’t get those around here. But, I looked anyway. Wished I’d had a camera at the ready.

Thinking on cameras, my daughter has a Pentax that seems to produce some really nice photos. She found a poppy pod that rotted to where just the skeleton is left. I know this sound yuuky, but in fact this thing is quite beautiful. She plans to photograph it. I’ll post this later. Here’s a photo she took last year and it is special to me because it is of a rose from my mothers rose bush and that thing has been growing there since I was little. So it’s old, see? It’s one of the old fashioned varieties and smells extremely “rosey”.

Argghhhh! Yesterday my car finally broke down. The oil pressure light had been coming on and off over the past few months, but there was no way I could afford to have it looked at or worked on. So I kept hoping it was just the display light having a problem. Now I am stuck with no transport and live about 6 miles out from any busline so this is so not good.

On the bright side it broke down not far from where I was going and the weather was sunny. The walk was good  for me. I saw some flowers. No dog ran out to kill me. And walking gives you time and aptitude to think through ”what to do”. I have a plan. Sort of. This plan is called the “Let relatives take turns looking at the engine and hope for the best”. This is all I came up with other than winning the lottery and this won’t work as I never buy tickets.

Right before the car failed there was a loud metallic clunk sound and all the error lights came on. I was able to coast down to a good parking spot. People were not pleased when my car did this stopping in the road and one was a taxi driver. I never occured to me to flag him down for a ride and it obviously never occured to him to stop. Just as well as I am pinching pennies big time these days.

Hey another idea just popped into my brain! If any mechanic needs a website maybe we could trade? A website for car repair? Let me know if you live in NW Wash and can fix cars!

Last week I set up another website. Years ago I had registered the domain name, clydebanks.com, but hadn’t planned to use it. This new site uses this domain - on the about page there is a bit of information on my dad and his shop and on another section there are a few thumbnails of his photography/”art”.

Today I got some photos showing a few of his old Kodak cameras and uploaded a few of those shots to the website. This started out as an attempt at an online camera store, but looks like it is becoming a bit of a tribute to him. My brothers and I definitely feel a sense of pride about dad and all his accomplishments.  If you get curious and want to see the website it is here http://clydebanks.com 

The image above is titled “Forest Scene”. Dad gave poetic names or titles to his camera studies. Names like: “The Three Graces”, “Silver Path”, Enchanted Forest”, Harp O’ the Winds, etc…

Moolah. Coin. Cash. Plastic.

Tax season and worries over credit card debt. I was reading a financial help-advice forum on Opra’s website yesterday and going thru reams of posts by folks in dire straights like myself. Some worse, but all had one thing in common. Credit card debt.

The people giving advice obviously haven’t a clue what it is like at this level. I appreciate them trying to help, but advice like “just put a little aside and get in the habit of saving for old age”..and “don’t use a credit cards unless you can pay off the balance each month”  well, their advice does nothing if you have nothing. Or minus nothing. I felt scared for the few who sounded desperate enough that they responded like they might end their lives over finances. It did help bring some of what I have been feeling into perspective. It was frustrating to read about what you should do with your paycheck. Heck some of us have no pay and many who do it’s not enough to cover the necessities.  I AM trying to be more at ease and trying to cope. Will there be solutions for all of us in this? Hoping. 

The saying the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. It is true. And it shouldn’t be. The humans are so smart..why are things like this for so very many?

Off and on my attempt to make a living by making websites shows some promise, but so far the sites I have made have been gifted or donated. Still got my little dream of someday making some sort of living at this. Can’t do custodial work anymore so I just keep applying for secretarial jobs, but with no luck on that so far. This area is a college town and there is no lack of bright, trained, talented types all competing for those jobs. And the pay around here is low, rents are high. Wish I could move away.

Hey, if anyone needs a virtual secretary, web tutoring or a website to be made, feel free to contact me.

I have a domain name I bought a couple years ago thinking I might build a webdesigner directory website using it. But never did so will sell the name. It is findwebwriter.com and if anyone is interested in buying this from me - make offer over 75.00

It is snowing today-about 5 inches out there right now. Cold.