Mindfrosting

Just found this and we all just laughed til we almost spewed.

And a quick note about twittering. Yaaa! I finally got into this and here’s my Twitter link:
here!

One of the kids told me how to make one of your eyes twitch to make people go away.
Her method: She said to close one eye halfway then wink it fast. You must keep a straight face or let your face follow what you are saying whist getting the eye to twitch rapidly.

I found if too slow and people would just be thinking you’re winking at them. In my case no matter how well or poorly I twitch, it does make them go away, but be warned that if you are good looking you just might cause the person you want to go away - to hang around more than ever.
I need to perfect the rapid twitch ’cause one time the person said “eh, errm, lady, I’m married”. So I had to clariy by telling him my eye had a twitch and that I was NOT winking at him. Sheesh…

Upon requesting to my daughter (a teenager) that she tidy up her room, this is what happened. It is not pretty so be warned. She was sitting there surrounded by all manner of items from books to crumpled kleenex to cds in tipsy piles to…well, it was very, very bad. I could not see the floor, the true floor, that is. I asked her why she lets it get this way? Her answer to me was- “I am allergic to open spaces. I need this stuff around me to make me feel comfortable. I have agorophobia.” Then she looked at me with a straight face like she expected me to nod and go away.

After about ten minutes - after I stopped laughing and wiping tears from my eyes I grounded her until the room was clean. Just so you know, as I was laughing, her face was a’twitch at trying not to laugh or even smile. This kid should never play card games for money.

As she was working on her room I had some great down-time creating a little photo gallery website for one of my nephews. He has been taking some neat shots around the Pacific Northwest and Bellingham area. If you’d like to see some of his pictures the site is going up here: http://jasonbanks.clydebanks.com

Ok, so update on the room. It is now passable, but not superb. If it stays clean, or at least some of the floor visible for 24 hours it will be amazing. I wonder if there is any type of cure for “messy room agorophobia”?

Last night, my young teenage daughter says, “Mom can I talk to you I need to tell you something and it might be kind of like bad news to you.” So I said, or my brain thought this, I can’t remember which for sure: ”NO! no! no! no! noooo! …The last time someone started a conversation like this…”

My guts just clamped into a big knot. Then I walked over to the woodstove and picked up a piece of 2×4x24 and walked back over to her. She said, “Mom, you’re scaring me.” I replied, “No, no honey, go ahead, go on you had something to say? I am here for you. You can tell me anything. You know that right?” I find I am tapping/thumping the wood over one hand as I speak. It stings.

“I JUST wanted to let you know I just got a boyfriend”, she says, nervously watching the 2×4 that is now tapping against my right leg. …bit of a pregnant pause (crappy choice of words, that..should instead say I was momentarily speechless?)… I swing the lumber up and hold it out perpendicularly from my mouth, purse my lips into a kissy pose and murph out these words - “You see this? From this end of the 2×4 to the other?’ She nods. I say, “that is the distance of your personal space. You can tell this “boyfriend” that this is your personal space and he will honor and stay out of it, ok?”

She eyes the lumber and nods and laughs, nervously. Then told her she doesn’t need a boyfriend until she is at least 32. Her laughter rolled forth. Somehow at this point I feel that I am not being taken seriously. This is where a teen would say “Doy”, right? Is that how you spell doy, or is it doi? And does anyone have a definition for “bwahahaha”? Because this bwahahaha is echoing in my brain right now and I feel the urge to be banging the back of my head repeatedly against something and to be singing over and over and over this phrase: nahnnienahnnie nahnnienahnnie nahnnienahnnie…… Any of you parents of teens have this feeling? Just asking.

Sigh… Being the parent of a teenage girl is THE most scary thing. Ever. I am not recommending using firewood as a communication enhancement. Just so you know this kid has the same Ermma Bombeck frame of mind as do I. For the record throughout most of the exchange she was smiling. Also in her own bizarre stance she smirkily asked soon after the above exchange:”Mom, in your opinion what works best? - Pepper spray or a tazer?” And without hesitation I said, “The tazer. A really intent or angry person can keep advancing when sprayed with the pepper spray, but I believe a tazer would drop a man like a ton of bricks.” She smiled sweetly and laughed saying, “I thought so, thanks mom.”
                                                DISTURBING